The Lily
by Mickis
Summary: Years into the future, when attending a funeral, Phoebe finds herself thinking about a love she lost a long time ago. And for the first time since his death, she finally allows herself to mourn him. PhoebeCole One shot


**Disclaimer: **Would you look at that? I still don't own Charmed. Oh well, no danger in writing fan fics, is there?

**A/N: **_A little something I came up with. It took me a while to finally sit down to write it, but as my heart still belongs to Phoebe and Cole (even though I don't like Phoebe anymore) I just couldn't leave it unwritten. Pretty much all you need to know is that it takes place a couple of years into the future, with all avatar stuff aside. Just picture the sisters a few years from now, okay? Okay. Enjoy, and please don't forget to reveiw._

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**THE LILY**

by

Mickis

**Genre:** Romance/Tragedy

**Language: **English

**Rating: **PG

**Summary: **_Years into the future, when attending a funeral, Phoebe finds herself thinking about a love she lost a long time ago. And for the first time since his death, she finally allows herself to mourn him. Phoebe/Cole (One shot)_

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It was a beautiful spring day, that day at one of San Francisco's cemeteries. The sun stood high in the sky, shining down upon the mourning group of people that gathered around the ivory colored coffin, which had been buried underneath a forest of flowers. Some people sat on the chairs that had been lined up in front of the coffin, desperately wiping the tears that were shed that day. Others, people who hadn't been as close to the deceased, stood by the side line; watching the tragic, yet beautiful ceremony hidden in the shadow of a majestic oak tree.

The Charmed Ones listened intently as the old priest spoke of the person everyone had gathered to say goodbye to.

Piper, the oldest sister, had decided to leave her sons at home with their father, thinking her four year old son and his two years younger brother were much too young to be attending their first funeral. Even if the person in the coffin hadn't been someone they knew, simply an innocent they had lost to the hungry claws of evil, she still felt the need to protect them from death. In time they would learn about the term and all the pain that came with it, and being children of a Halliwell, the moment would probably come sooner than later. So the sisters had decided to go by themselves, just the three of them. Even if it wasn't a duty of the Charmed Ones to attend the funerals of their innocents, all three of them felt Adam had deserved as much.

He had been an empath, just like Phoebe, who had recently come to terms with his magical powers. But the moment evil found out about a new source of good being born, Adam became the target of several demons. Unfortunately, despite of the trio's best efforts, it seemed they had not been meant to save him, and no matter how many times it happened, it still hurt to lose an innocent.

On Piper's left side stood Paige, the youngest sister. She hadn't really met Adam, at least not properly, with being so busy at magic school nowadays, but that had only contributed to her guilt for losing him. She kept thinking maybe if she had given him more of her time, if it had been all three of them in the attic when the demons shimmered in to attack, maybe they would have been able to save him then, and the people that cared for him wouldn't have to cry here on this beautiful day. She knew beating herself up about the loss wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't dry the tears of these people and it certainly wouldn't bring Adam back to life. But guilt was an emotion people weren't meant to control, even if this particular guilt trip belonged to a witch. She simply had to live through it like the rest of humanity.

Next to Paige, closest to the trunk of the tree, stood the middle sister - Phoebe. Judging by the look in her eyes she appeared to have taken the loss the hardest. The few strays of hair she hadn't been able to tuck into her darkbrown ponytail whisked against the skin of her face, yet never breaking her intense stare on the coffin. Her thoughts appeared to be somewhere else as the priest spoke to the black clad crowd, while at the same time she seemed to absorb every word of his speech.

"He, who which has been taken away from us so suddenly, is not lost, but still lingers in the hearts of those who loved him. _Your_ hearts, that in spite of his passing still holds the memories of the time he spent among us." He took a moment to look up over the attentants, his heart aching for their loss. "We must never keep ourselves from remembering Adam, even though the memories might be painful. Because in closing them out, we might risk forgetting the wonderful soul and being of that which was Adam; a loving, caring person, who never thought twice about risking his own happiness for his loved ones. You must bring yourself to embrace these memories, treasure them, because no matter how cold the truth is, those memories are all we have left of him."

Phoebe caught a tear slipping out of the corner of her left eye and quickly drew up her hand to dry it, not wanting her sisters to know. She hadn't realized how much this funeral affected her, not until she was far too drawn in by the priest's speech. But she couldn't help it, for he had struck a nerve with his words, a nerve that had been numb for years. She didn't even know it was still there anymore, until now.

She caught Paige looking at her from the corner of her eye. Phoebe turned to look at her, forcing a small smile so her sister wouldn't worry. Paige returned the smile half-heartedly, reaching for Phoebe's hand and squeezing it supportively. After that, the both of them turned back their attention to the priest, who after that short pause continued with his speech.

"Love is something that lasts forever. It is beyond life and death. Just because Adam is lost to us, our love for him doesn't have to be. In a way, love really _is_ eternal."

Phoebe caught the priest looking at her, as if his advice had been meant for her. As if he knew. Phoebe wearily broke his gaze, turning her eyes to the coffin standing next to him.

The priest glanced down at his speech before he looked back up, his eyes reaching across Adam's seated friends and family, until he found himself looking at one of the three women that stood underneath the old oak tree, hiding her grief from the people she arrived with, as well as from herself. But she couldn't hide her pain from him. Because he had seen it so many times before: people suppressing their feelings; their anger, their hate... their love. It was obvious that she missed someone, he could see it in the one tear she barely allowed herself to shed.

"So I ask of you here today - while we bid our farewell to Adam - remember him, take a moment to think about him. _Allow_ yourself to miss him," he said, his eyes locked on Phoebe, as if he really was addressing his entire speech to her. And it wasn't until Phoebe turned to meet his gaze that he finally finished it. "You'll feel much better once you do."

Phoebe nodded, her movement so faint it was almost unnoticeable. But the priest noticed, and with a smile, he ended the ceremony by blowing out the candle in front of him.

The people that were seated for the ceremony got up from their chairs and walked up to the coffin, giving their final goodbyes to Adam along with flowers representing them.

Paige turned to Phoebe, a look of concern in her eyes. "Are you okay?" she whispered, so only Phoebe would hear her.

"Uhu," Phoebe said, nodding to convince her little sister there was nothing to worry about. "I was just thinking about some of the things the priest said," she explained, her gaze distant.

Paige nodded and squeezed her hand before letting go of it completely. "I'll listen if you ever need to talk," she offered, this time speaking a little louder as Piper had walked up to place her flower on the coffin.

Phoebe focused her eyes on Paige, a grateful smile slightly curving her lips. "I know, sweety."

Paige returned the smile before the two of them went after Piper to add their flowers to the collection. After both Piper and Paige had given Adam their flowers, Phoebe approached the coffin with her shy bouquet. She put it on top of the rest of the flowers and, after a moment of hesitation, slipped a lily out from the bouquet, claiming it for herself. She caught the priest looking at her, from where he stood by the side in case anyone needed him.

He smiled slightly, both to the petite woman and to himself. It had been as he had expected. She wasn't mourning Adam. That one flower was meant for someone else, someone she finally allowed herself to think about. Someone she had probably lost a long time ago. Them, as the woman turned around to speak with the other two, Adam's mother walked up to the priest to commended him on the ceremony. He gave her his full attention and offered his condolences.

"Are you ready to leave?" Piper asked, her hand already playing with the car keys in her pocket.

"Actually," Phoebe said, earning her sisters' attention. "There's something I need to do."

Piper askingly raised her eyebrows, but as Phoebe didn't answer, she decided not to push her.

"Why don't you orb back home and I'll take the car?" Phoebe suggested, looking in between her two sisters.

"You sure you'll be okay?" Paige asked, worry obvious on her voice.

"Yeah, don't worry," Phoebe answered, patting Paige on the arm. "It's just something I need to take care of, is all."

Piper exchanged a glance with Paige before she brought the keys out of her pocket and handed them over to Phoebe. "You won't be long, will you?"

"No, it won't take long," Phoebe ensured her sisters, accepting the keys Piper handed over to her. "I'll meet you at home."

Piper and Paige nodded before they turned around to leave. They needed to find a safe place to orb from.

Phoebe took a deep breath and squeezed the keys tightly in her hand, willing strength into herself for what she was about to do. With one last glance at the coffin, she walked across the cemetery, setting her course to a place she hadn't visited in ages.

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Her heels clicked against the familiar stone steps of the Mausoleum. It had been so long since she had come here, and by every step she took she felt like she was one step closer to her past. When finally reaching the floor at the bottom of the circled stairway, she almost half expected him to be standing there, like he had done so many times in the past, back when they had decided to meet there. 

Already feeling the past catching up with her, Phoebe swallowed the lump in her throat and walked across the floor, her mind flooded with memories of the two of them. She remembered when he had killed the Bounty hunter for her, she remembered when she had found him there, waiting for her in hopes that she would take him back. She remembered all those times she had waited for him when he had infiltrated the Brotherhood to get inside information. She remembered all of it, none of which she had allowed herself to think about even _once_ since he died. The times his name had come up in her mind, she had used all the strength she had stored inside of her to push it right back, where he couldn't hurt her anymore.

But now... this time she wasn't afraid. She wasn't going to allow herself to be scared anymore. She had run from their past for so long. She was tired of running. She needed to deal with him - with herself - once and for all.

Upon reached the burned hole in the ground, where she had executed her fake vanquish, Phoebe stopped. She hadn't looked at the black pit for more than a second before she felt her eyes welling up with hot tears. She had been holding them back for years and when she finally decided to let it out, it didn't take more than a second for them to surface.

Phoebe crouched down to the floor, her shaky hand reaching out for the black spot on the floor, and upon touching it, she was immediately thrown into a premonition - and a memory.

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_"Give me your hand," Phoebe said, reaching for Cole's hand while holding an athame in hers._

_Cole hesitated and drew back his hand, fearful of what she might do to him._

_"Trust me," she whispered, boring her eyes into his._

_After looking into her eyes Cole knew two things, one of them was that he could indeed trust her, but the other was that from that moment on, no matter what she would ask of him, he wouldn't be able to deny her. _

_He gave her his hand and watched as she took her eyes from his and held up the blade above his hand. She cut through his skin with it and ran it across his palm, deep red blood seeping out from the fresh wound. Cole moaned slightly at the sudden rush of pain, causing Phoebe to look up at him. She gave him a small smile, to ensure him that she knew what he was doing._

_Then, with both of their breaths panting from the earlier fight, she enfolded his hand with hers and squeezed his palm shut tightly, holding it above his coat on the floor. The warm blood dripped from his hand down unto the fabric of the dark grey coat, soaking it with a part of him._

_Phoebe let go of his hand and brought up her other one, the one holding the potion that was made to vanquish him, And after dropping it to the floor, the two of them had to turn away from the fierce explosion that devoured the coat and lit up the dark Mausoleum._

_She turned to him and gazed into his eyes, her hands caressing him as he drew his fingers through her sand blonde hair._

_"Nobody'll look for you anymore," she finally said, revealing the purpose of her actions. "You're dead."_

_Suddenly Piper's voice called out from the cemetery. "Phoebe!"_

_"Down here!" she called to her sisters, the panic rising within her as she turned back to Cole, knowing she had to let him go. "You have to go," she breathed, her face only inches away from his, close enough to feel his breath on her lips. "Please," she begged, desperately needing him to shimmer out of there while at the same time another part of her wanted to do nothing but clinging onto him to keep him from leaving._

_Then, with both of them taking in a deep breath, they sealed the distance between them with a hungry kiss, desperately holding on to each other with all the love that hungered inside of them._

_A moment later he was gone, and all Phoebe was left with was the burning mark on the Mausoleum floor, where the athame still laid, enveloped by the flames that were meant to kill him._

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Phoebe opened her eyes with a gasp, the adrenaline from the premonition still rushing through her. After a moment of panting, she drew her hand up to her face, covering her mouth to choke the sobs that threatened to break out. She felt her tears raining down her cheeks, leaving their hot trails behind as they moved onto the hand that clutched her mouth and slid down her arm. 

"Cole..." she sobbed, her eyes lingering at the spot on the floor, where a part of him would be imprinted for as long as the Mausoleum would stand. "Oh God, no.. No..." She enfolded herself with the hand that still held onto the lily, careful not to crush it. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry.." she cried, her apology unnoticed to the world.

There, alone with her memories, she finally wept for the man she loved.

The love she lost.

She rocked back and forth, her body losing all control to the tears that took her over. There were so many tears stored for him, tears that hadn't surfaced until the priest had spilled his words to her. She knew the speech wasn't for him, but when drowning in the words, she felt like every single one of them were meant for Cole.

He never had a funeral, not even something that resembled it, and so this was the closest thing she would ever come. This was her chance to finally say goodbye to him, the man that swept her off her feet and stole her breath so many times it would be impossible for her to count them.

She knew he had been the love of her life and that even if she might find love again, it would never compare to what her and Cole had shared. Nothing ever would.

After a few minutes of crying, Phoebe felt her hysteric breath calm down and her tense muscles relax. She carefully wiped her nose and cheeks, opening her eyes to the world around her. After taking a deep breath, she relaxed the arm that clung around herself and brought out the lily she held in her hand.

Not really sure on what to do or where to put it, Phoebe carefully placed the flower in the centre of the black hole, offering whatever she could to the man she lost. The man she hadn't allowed herself to miss.

She carefully slid her fingers across the surface of the burnt floor, as if it was the only thing she had left of him, before she brought her hand back to herself.

After that, she just sat there, staring at the black spot, a few silent tears still runing down her face. When she felt she was strong enough, she brought her hand back to the floor, bittersweetly caressing the black surface.

"I love you," she whispered, hoping that somehow - in _some _way - he could hear her.

Then she slowly rose to her feet and wiped away the last few tears that had fallen from her eyes. After sending one last glance to the white lily she left for him, Phoebe turned around and walked back to the stairs.

When ascending the steps, she realized Cole wouldn't be man she would grow old with, like she had once thought. He wouldn't be the man her future children would call 'daddy'. He wouldn't even be the man she would wake up next to. But there was one thing no man could ever take away from him.

He would always be her soulmate.


End file.
